Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
