i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
