i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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