i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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