Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
