you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My penis needs a shock collar
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
