guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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