ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
