I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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