my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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