Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
