Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
