very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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