I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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