i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
