Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
