I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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