She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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