I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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