I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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