Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
