Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
