is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
