Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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