my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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