so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
