Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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