3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
