ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
