those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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