Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
