READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
