from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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