so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
