I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
the gays at disneyland are vicious
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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