the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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