haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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