God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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