Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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