Sponge bath it is.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
