we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
