the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
