Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
