____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
