Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
