and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
