I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
