You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
ok first of all what the fuck
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
