Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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