At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
