So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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