Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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