im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
