Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
