one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
