I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
