i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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