My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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