I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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