How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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