piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
