I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
