What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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