I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
