her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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