just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
