I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
