i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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