Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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