could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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