I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
