she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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