Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
