Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
