Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
