I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
