he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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