I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
