I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
