FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
